Team Therapy
by monalisa811
Summary: The Gryffindor Quidditch Team attends therapy with Dr. Keish,and apparently she doesn't know what she just got herself into.


The Gryffindor Quidditch Team is having "team therapy"

O : Oliver

K : Katie

A : Angelina

Al : Alicia

F : Fred

G : George

Dr. K : doctor Keish

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Dr. K: "ok,Wood you sit there,Bell, you go there, Johnson there, Spinnet you go there,Weasley...oh Frederick here and George Weasley here "

O: "ok"

K: "works for me"

Al: "at least I'm not next to Oliver"

O: "hey!"

Al: "I hate you"

O: "I hate you more"

K: "Oliver, Alicia stop fighting!"

O: "shut up"

K: "don't you shut me up!"

O:"shut up"

K:"no you shut up"

Dr. K: "ok, Oliver, Katie stop fighting!"

O / K :"fine!"

Dr. K: "we'll start with...oh wait, where is Mr. Potter?"

F: "sick"

O: "out"

A: "making out with Ginny probably"

F/G: "what?!"

A: "oh come on like you didn't know!"

F:"I'm going to kill him"

K:"don't worry Voldemort is already planning that for you"

A:"oh! don't say it so loud"

O: "shut up Johnson!"

K:"right, maybe he's out there saving the world again"

G: "I know, it's like he lives of that"

O:"he is the one with the problem, he should be here instead of us"

K:"I think you have a problem"

O:"only you could be my problem"

K:"so because I'm a chaser I'm your property?!"

O:"oh honey I would never want you as my property"

Al:"prick!"

Dr. K:"Alicia!"

Al: "Dr. Keish he deserved it!"

F:"no, you don't want her as your property, you want her as your lover"

O:"what?!"

K:"what?!"

O:"ok, Weasley come here right now and repeat that to my face!"

Al.:"oh so you think because you're the captain you're the toughest!"

O:"I'm tougher than you Spinnet! you always bail on practice!"

Al:"that's because you're a nazi!"

Dr. K:"nobody moves from their seats! now all of you shut up!"

A:" hey...you could try being nicer"

G:"you could create us some emotional trouble"

A:"stop it Weasley!"

F:"what?"

A:"stop trying to touch my leg!"

F:"you're not even that hot!"

A:"you think I'm hot?"

Dr. K:"children already shut up!"

_Silence and some moans_

Dr. K:"we'll start with Mr. Wood then"

O:"ok"

Dr. K:"so, how long have you been suffering of these-"

Al:"need to get laid?"

Dr. K:"Spinnet! I was gonna say insomnia?

O:"for about three weeks now"

Dr. K:"I see, so can you tell me what sort of problems you've faced on your life lately?"

O:"well-"

K: "an increasing need for a snog maybe"

G:"haha good one!"

Dr. K:"Weasley, Bell please"

K/G:"fine"

Dr. K:"where were we Mr. Wood?"

O:"well, I've been under a lot of pressure, this year is my last chance of-"

K/A/Al/F/G:"winning the quidditch cup!"

O:"well yeah, but if you don't cooperate with me-"

A:"and your dawn practices?"

Al::"and your whining?"

K:"and your special quidditch diet?"

Dr. K:"a diet? you girls seem pretty fit to me"

K:"tell that to Mr.You-Have-To-Eat-Healthy-So-I'll-Win-The-Cup"

Dr. K:"haven't you girls thought that maybe he's giving you a special diet for your own good?"

O:"maybe I am girls, huh huh!"

Dr. K:"Mr. Wood"

O:"sorry"

K:"no, he's just trying to keep us fit and healthy so we don't pass out in any of his , I repeat, DAWN practices and we don't have to take some time off"

O:"Bell!"

K:"well, Ollie, it's time you realize practice at four in the morning isn't right!"

A:"or legal!"

O:"Bell, Johnson!"

Dr. K."I call you by your last names here , Mr. Wood"

O: "what? but I'm the captain"

_Giggles_

Dr. K:"Mr. Wood"

O:"fine"

A:"anyway, he's trying to keep us because he knows nobody is going to enter the team"

F:"all Hogwarts fears him"

G:"they fear him more than Voldemort"

A:"ok, someone really has to listen to me and stop saying it so loud"

F:"stop being so superstitious Angie"

K/Al/G:"Angie?"

_Giggles_

A:"I'm just cautious"

F:"coward"

A:"I'm the coward after you left us in that match against Slytherin?"

F:"I was sick"

K:"I can sense a lot of fear in you, Weasley"

F:"what?"

K: "the force, my young padawan"

Al.:"stop it, we know Fred had diarrhea that day"

O:"you had diarrhea?!"

F:"at least I don't have hemorrhoids"

G:"hemorrhoids"

A:"now that's the seed of all our problems"

F/G:"Ollie, feels weird down there!"

_Giggles, giggles and more giggles_

O:"shut up! I don't have hemorrhoids!"

G:"must be because of the broom!"

O:"you don't even know what hemorrhoids are do you?"

G:"not really, it just sounds so funny!"

K:"you're so dumb"

G:"oh somebody is having her PMS"

K:"shut up George!"

G:"or is it just your deep love for our captain?"

K:"shut up!"

O:"what? who loves me?"

Al:"just your mother Oliver"

O:"oh yeah? well maybe if you talked to my fans-"

A:"what fans? oh you mean the group of first years that follow you to the bathroom!"

K:"they followed you to the bathroom?"

F:"so they met Ollie Jr. huh"

A:"Ollie Jr. Jr."

F:"why?"

A:"it's so small"

Dr. K:"Johnson!"

A:"sorry"

Dr. K:"Weasley, Bell, Weasley number two, Spinnet, stop laughing!"

G:"Weasley number two?! now that will create me a personality issue"

F:"you're the second George"

O:"you already have a personality issue, with all your pranks!"

G:"oh Ollie is sensitive!"

O:"why is it always me?!"

Dr. K:"Wood, stop crying"

O:"I'm -hiccup- not crying -sob-"

A:"don't worry Oliver, they once filled my robe with gummy bears, you're not only one"

F:"oh Angelina you loved it! you even licked it!"

K:"gross"

Al:"how can you tell Fred?"

F:"what?"

Al:"that she licked it"

_Smirk, smirk_

Dr. K:"kids will you listen to me?"

K:"sure, when Ollie stops checking me out"

O:"what?! I wasn't checking you out Bell!"

Dr. K:"Mr. Wood"

O:"sorry, Katie!"

K:"you so were!"

A:"yeah, I saw your perverted eyes!"

F/G (singing):"Ollie and Katie sitting in a tree!"

O:"Fred, George you can't sing!"

F/G:"you're jealous of our natural talent"

O:"whatever! I have a girlfriend"

Al:"who? Madeline, the 78 year old woman who sells the quidditch kits?"

O:"haha, actually it's Ashley James"

K:"the slut?"

Dr. K:"Bell, please language!"

F:"someone is jealous"

K:"you wish, I'm fine with Ceddy"

G:"who?"

A:"Cedric Diggory"

O:"Diggory?!"

Dr. K:"Wood please have some composure, it's ok, you can go back to your natural skin color...ughh they don't pay me enough for this"

O:"you're going out with Diggory?"

G:"Ceddy, Ollie, don't forget it, Ceddy"

O:"shut up!"

F:"Ollie is mad because Katie is dating the golden boy!"

K:"don't call him that"

O:"oh yeah you're defending your boyfriend, what is it Bell? I mean Katie, can't he defend himself?"

K:"oh he can defend himself very well, especially since he's better than you!"

O:"he's not!"

K:"Hufflepuff always wins thanks to him!"

O:"they cheat!"

K:"they're Hufflepuff's they can't cheat!"

O:"oh they're not perfect! I cannot believe you Bell, you're actually defending the Hufflepuffs!"

K:"at least I'm not dating a slut!"

O:"she's not a slut!"

Al:"Oliver, that girl would do anything that moves!"

F:"I hope you're not expecting to get her 'gift'!"

G:"but don't worry she already gave it to half Hogwarts why wouldn't she give it to Oliver?"

K:"she hasn't given it to any Hufflepuff I'm sure"

F:"oh come on Katie! they have needs too!"

A:"Fred don't talk like that!"

Dr. K:"Weasley, there are girls in here!"

F:"well they should know, for their safety, that even though the Hufflepuffs look like perfect, beautiful, respectful, golden boys, in the inside they're animals like us!"

K:"you're the animal, Ceddy would never-"

G:"hey I once saw Cedric with Ashley"

K:"James?!"

O:"Diggory?!"

K:"I'm going to kill that slut!"

O:"I'm going to kill Cedric!"

Dr. K:"I'm going to kill you all if you don't shut up!"

_O:Wide eyed_

_K:Wide eyed_

_A:Wide eyed_

_Al:Wide eyed_

_F:Wide eyed_

_G:Wide eyed_

A:"hey you just had to ask"

Al:"I told you the psychiatrist wasn't going to work"

O:"you did not"

K:"oh yes we did Oliver, we told you, but you never listen to us!"

Dr. K"Bell! All of you stay quiet as I examine Oliver!"

K/A/Al/F/G:"fine"

Dr. K:"so you were telling me you've been under a lot of pressure to win the quidditch cup"

O:"yes"

Dr. K:"why is this cup so important for you Oliver?"

O:"well, not just for me, but the team too"

Al:"right!"

Dr. K:"Spinnet! now continue Oliver"

O:"um... I just, Gryffindor hasn't won in a long time and..."

K:"and he enjoys torturing us"

Dr. K"Katie please"

K:"I still won't believe that about Ceddy"

G:"come on Katie, we saw them"

K:"no!"

O:"see? total lack of focus!"

Al:"lack of focus Oliver?! you're kidding right?"

K:"well, how am I supposed to focus when our dear captain is flirting with the girls in the audience"

O:"Katie, I was not flirting!"

F:"and not just girls"

Dr. K:"Weasley, Spinnet, stop laughing!"

K:"oh yes you were Oliver, I saw you flirting with that Ravenclaw!"

A:"and you accused Katie of treason because she went out with Flint"

F/G:"Katie what?!"

O:"Flint?!"

Al:"Katie , you never told me of that one!"

K:"I didn't"

F:"don't lie"

A:"oh dear Oliver is turning purple now!"

G:"you think he's breathing?"

O:"Flint?!you dated Flint?!"

G:"and with those teeth?"

K:"stop! I was young and his teeth weren't like that!"

F:"so Katie what it is like to kiss a vampire?"

_Laughing and more laughing_

K:"Fred, shut up"

Al:"so you told Angelina but you didn't tell me?"

K:"Alicia I'm so sorry but you were away and I just forgot"

A:"or she just blocked it from her mind"

Al:"I cannot believe you never told me"

Dr. K:"Oliver please breath"

A/Al/F/G/K:"Oliver!"

A:"ok, well, at least he's back to his color"

F:"I hate it when he does that"

A/K:"what? the Ollie-Rainbow?"

F:"yeah"

A:"me too"

Al:"Oliver, if it helps I don't really hate you"

F/G:"awww"

O:"I don't hate you either Alicia"

Al:"I do hate all your quidditch lectures"

A:"lets face it Ollie, you can be quite annoying"

K:"yeah, can you imagine having breakfast with Oliver's voice next to your ear whispering quidditch moves?"

F:"his yelling still haunts me in my sleep"

O:"how am I not to yell at you if you're telling jokes the whole practice!"

F:"well, dear captain, that should keep the girls awake at four in the morning"

O:"oh come on! four in the morning is a great time to practice! plus we can't lose anymore time"

G:"we wouldn't lose it if you weren't so busy looking at Katie!"

K:"so you look at me, Ollie?"

O:"I do not"

A:"and that's why you're blushing"

Dr. K:"silence!"

K/O/F/G/A/Al:""

Dr. K:"so, Angelina, Alicia, Frederick and George, how do you handle practice with all the sexual tension between Oliver and Katie?"

O/K:"what?!"

F:"well, it's been pretty hard actually"

Al:"I once broke my toe and Oliver didn't care because he was flirting with Katie"

O:"you didn't break your toe! you were lying, I knew you were lying so I didn't listen to you!"

Al:"because you were flirting with Katie"

_Giggles_

O:"no! because I was helping Katie with a move, and stop laughing"

Al/A:"right"

Dr. K:"for Merlin's sake, you have more problems than I thought, I can't do this!"

K:"wait is she leaving?"

A:"but she can't leave"

Al:"yet, she is"

F:"does that mean we get to leave?"

O:"can we go to practice now?"

K:"Oliver..."

O:"fine"

F:"I saw we go to Honeyducks"

K/A/Al:"yay! Honeyducks!"

K:"oh Alicia I'm sorry I never told you about Flint"

Al:"don't worry, I never listen when you ramble about Oliver anyway"

G:"I don't know what I'd do without any of you guys"

K/A/Al:"aww"

G:"team hug!"

O/K/A/Al/F:"what?"

F:"brother, are you feeling all right?"

O:"lets go before George gets more sentimental"

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AN: well, that was therapy with the team, I hope you enjoyed it, please Review :)


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